Perhaps I panicked…

It seems the “fugue states” I thought I had may have been a non-event that I psyched myself into thinking had happened after becoming worried about how much of a preoccupation I had with this past life thing.

The first time involved missing a stop on a bus home, and because of the relative monotony of the ride and my fatigued state, I can’t rule out that I simply missed one or two stops while deep in thought.

The second time was definitely a non-event.  The folder I thought I had deleted completely (recycle bin and all) without any memory of the event is still there.  Somehow, when I searched for it by its name or by the names of sub-folders, it never showed up so I assumed it was gone from my hard drive, end of story.

Then today, when I was searching for something in another directory, I came across some files that I knew belonged in that missing folder.  It turns out I had accidentally moved it into an adjacent folder by accident while moving some other files (an easy and common mistake) and it’s all there.  Why it never showed up in search results before, I’ll never know.  

At least this does give me some relief.  But I’m still not entirely convinced that I haven’t had a break with reality.  I’m still concerned with the level of obsession I’ve given this topic lately; it dominates my thoughts to the point where I find I see the world as if I were very old now.  I talk about my few memories of the Victorian era as if I remember it firsthand, and it feels like I might be starting to lose sight of my true identity, age, and all that business.

Also, I really don’t like being spooked by vague flashbacks to a war that happened nearly a century ago when I walk to the store.  That’s the other reason I still think I’m quite possibly bonkers.


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