Something I’d Like to Tell Everyone

I’m sure some of you have been wondering whether I’m male or female.  I don’t think I actually state anywhere the sex of myself or my partner.

Well, there’s a reason for this.

The truth is, I’m male-to-female transgender.  Up until around last September, I wasn’t sure I wanted to bother transitioning.  But as I came to know this past life of mine, I started to realize that I was braver than I knew.

It feels weird, telling everyone I’m something that I could never have been in my past life.  It makes me wonder why, as well as I can remember, I was a very straight biological male.  At least, I don’t remember anything with men happening in Armentieres, but I do remember the girls.

So even though I’ve got a huge boost of courage from knowing that nothing I will ever face will be as bad as Ypres, I have a lot of questions about what these things, gender and sexual orientation, actually are.

I’m the same physical sex, but that’s where the similarities between what I am now and what I was as John end.  I’m attracted almost exclusively to men in this life.

It makes me think that sexual orientation and gender really are something bound thoroughly to the body and the physical brain rather than the higher consciousness or mind or soul or whatever you want to call it.

Regardless, I shudder to think what our boy John would have thought of me!  He was raised a Victorian, and probably got nauseated at the thought of two men in the physical act of love, and would have been bewildered by the fact that someone born male who feels at odds with their physical sex can, legally, become a woman in our society.  Even I feel like it’s a great length to go to in the pursuit of happiness, but I say that with enthusiasm, not derision.

I suppose it says a lot about how much of our social foibles get lost between lives.  I think these are probably just so secondary to who we really are that our prejudices don’t survive us.

So if our prejudices don’t survive us, then maybe there’s hope for the future.  If we can shed the things we hate because we are told to and start anew, then maybe with time we’ll lose the need to hate entirely.

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