Crossroads

I feel that I’ve come to a crossroads in looking into my past lives.

A lot of it hinges on whether or not I can match my memories from the Middle Ages with an actual person or not, but some of it hinges on lingering doubts about my memories of 1877-1915 as well.

If the version of these lives in sequence is correct, then the lesson is clear: the opposite of your worst decisions isn’t necessarily the best decision.  If I joined the army after reflecting on a life where I chose not to be a soldier previously, then I should take that warning to heart.  It would mean that rather than never fighting for anything, or fighting at the first chance I get, I have to make sure the fight is really mine before I join it.

But if this is all just a fantasy that I’ve spun in my head, then maybe I’m just fooling myself and I should go back to living my life exactly as I did before… or maybe the value of the lesson isn’t bound to whether or not the events actually happened.

I don’t know.  I feel lost and confused and completely unsure how to integrate these experiences, or if they can be integrated at all.

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