Relief and Dread

I still feel a tremendous sense of relief after the outpouring of general awfulness a few days back.

Still, I wonder when another difficult memory will find its way to the surface.  And though I know I can cope, I’m always terrified.  The memories I can verify are always the most frightening or deeply emotional ones, like places I would have lived or grown up, and they usually come in clusters, so I’m sure there’s more to come.

I’m wondering if I should retreat to a less engaged state of mind about them in the mean time.  It seems every time a new vivid memory comes to the surface I get dragged out of that mindset kicking and screaming, but I really do prefer living as if this was all someone else’s story because to think of it as my own story is very emotionally taxing.

I’ll figure it out.

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