Centering Again

First of all, I’ve been removing certain content from this blog for personal reasons.  I do not wish to elaborate.  If a post or two that you liked turns up missing, that’s why.  The rest of the content should be unaffected, and I have saved a .xml backup of my blog as it was prior to the deletion so no data has actually been lost.

Second, reading through these posts in hindsight gives me the impression of someone who is deeply emotional, deeply insecure about their mental state, and probably coming just a little unglued at the seams.

Recently I have begun re-examining whether or not my experiences represent some form of psychosis and whether I can continue to defend the notion that I had past lives at all.  The only solid conclusion I have is that it’s a fascinating story, but I don’t know what to make of it and at times I’ve shown a level of obsession with my presumed past lives that frankly worries me.

Bear in mind that over the past 14 months or so I’ve been slowly crawling out of a bad breakdown and I only now have come to realize just how bad it was.  Sorting out the nature of where I actually stand on things will take some time.

If not for the fact that my gender identity seems relatively set, and has been for the last two years or so, I would swear that my gender dysphoria was part of a larger identity disturbance that was a huge red flag; but if anything, the counseling I’ve undergone for that has helped me start to calm down and sort out everything else.

Memories continue to come but not with the fervor or magnitude of the original incident; that, however, can only be a good thing because if I start having flashes of the war as severe as the one I experienced that first night, I might be tempted to consider the possibility that I’ve gone full-on schizophrenic.

I honestly think I need to check myself on this whole reincarnation thing and recall that these were apparent memories that seemed to match real people and events remarkably well, but that I can’t sit on the idea that this was a genuine case of reincarnation without deluding myself.  This could all be a product of my neurotic and habitual doubt but I am deeply phobic about becoming delusional.

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