Tomorrow…

I have to confess something: I have done an about-face about attempting to contact a person I believe may have been my daughter in a previous life.

Part of why I had decided not to was because no address could be found; I didn’t want to do anything that felt even remotely like stalking.  However, I was able to find this address on the first page of a Google search. It was on a web page I had previously overlooked and I feel kind of silly for missing it, honestly.

This changes things.  I might finally get an answer about some of the memories I haven’t yet confirmed, and it may not be the answer I was hoping for.  Thus far most of the memories I’ve confirmed about this person’s life were things a good mentalist could have inferred and correctly guessed.

The letter I’ve written contains some memories that have not yet been confirmed, that are far more specific in nature and have a much lower chance of being incidentally correct.

So far, the closest I’ve been to wrong was “I don’t think that happened” from another person I may have known; but as I’ve said, these were details that could have been lucky guesses.

I’ve been revising my letter for several days now, trying to say everything I need to say in exactly the way I need to say it.  It isn’t easy; how do you talk to someone who accepted you were gone more than 30 years ago?  If my therapist hadn’t encouraged me to write this letter, I’d have thought twice.  This will be the last attempt I make and if I don’t get a response, I would be wrong to press my luck any further.

I’m playing for all the marbles, guys.  I’m either him, or I’m not and hopefully I will find out soon.  But if I’m not, then I’ll be indescribably relieved because this was someone who had a lot on his shoulders.

If I am… well, I’m not sure I’ll be ready to make it public.  That would be between me and my family for now.

I will return with my short story “The Error” later today, hopefully.

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