Since I Can’t Say Who I Was…

Since it would jeopardize me too much to openly say who I believe I was in my previous life, I will list as much information as I can without using any specific names of people I knew or places I lived.  The last thing I want is to light up a bunch of search engines with a famous name of a past life I don’t even have enough evidence for yet!

Let me start with the relevant facts of who I am in this life. The circumstantial similarities in my life, habits, and appearance may be strong enough to clue the reader in to my previous life’s identity.

I was born in the summer of 1984, a little over 2 years after my previous life ended. I have been to Paris twice in this life and I have lived for substantial periods of my life in Europe (something I only dreamed about in my previous life), though I was born in the midwest to a tall soldier and a dark-haired woman with whom I have a stormy relationship. I am currently a novelist living on whatever money I can scrape together, publishing mainly in a small genre fiction enclave with a small-circulation press. I became a writer because I am not very good at communicating verbally and wanted to express my ideas in such a way that people would understand them. I began writing short stories at a very young age but didn’t get serious about producing a novel until my teens. As a child I was deeply neurotic, and my early attempts at relationships were usually disastrous and short-lived.

I have at various times studied theology and history as serious hobbies. I have also dabbled in the esoteric (I’ve read a number of Gnostic and magickal texts, for instance). I generally get good grades in things like philosophy, sociology, and history but my math skills are poor and I get bored with science. I am either passionately engaged in a subject or disinterested to the point of aversion.

I’m deeply skeptical of organized religion and capitalism but I’m equally skeptical of Leninism and extremist ideas. I am sympathetic to the everyman and the beleaguered academic; less so to the powerful, the aggressive, and the ambitious. I have a deep-seated fear of narcissists and sociopaths and the amount of influence they wield in our society as it stands today.

I am 5′ 10 1/2″ in height with a high forehead, heavy build, brown hair, and eyes that are an uncommon shade of hazel that is predominately blue and green (my eye color is sometimes listed as blue, green, or blue-green on documents). I am, of course, clean-shaven and I wear my hair long, and my nose and lips look different so the resemblance isn’t perfect but I’m about the same basic physical description I was back then.

I live on the West Coast, though this time in Oregon rather than California. However, the Bay Area was my first choice before I decided it was out of my price range, and my most recent published novel debuted at a convention in San Jose, California early last year.

My previous life began long enough after John’s death that it would allow for me to have died of old age as a fox (considering the average red fox lives 2-4 years in the wild, I don’t imagine I lived more than 8-10 years, which would still allow for a normal gap of a year or two between lives). This means that between John, the fox, and the writer, I would have most of the time since 1877 accounted for. This is encouraging, since the apparently long gap between my current life and John’s life is far longer than any normal reincarnation case; if I went straight from John’s life to this one, I would have more than half a century that I can’t account for.

I have wide and varied music tastes ranging from classical music to 70s rock. I would rate Queen, The Beatles, and Beethoven as my three most consistent favorites when it comes to music, but I’m by no means limited to these artists. Music was important in my courtship with my fiance (our song is “And You And I” by Yes).  I have greatly enjoyed most of the music I have discovered from reading about my previous life and I’ve re-discovered some treasures, though I knew a lot of them from this life already.

There are some important differences in my current life. I do not understand German very clearly (whereas I knew German in that life); I speak French and Spanish, languages that I’m pretty sure I didn’t know back then; I’m living as a woman and engaged to a man; I grew up in the Deep South, a place I never really spent any time in during my previous life; I write poetry as well as prose, though in my previous life I explicitly stated I was no good at poetry; my writing style up until I began experimenting with my previous life’s themes was very different, and I’m not nearly as prolific; also, I have never abused stimulants in this life, and I have been afraid of them since a bad reaction to Ritalin (taken legally) as a child made me violent.

Now here’s where it gets really interesting.  My father in my previous life had served in the First World War, and in that life I talked about the war occasionally and even claimed to have memories of the war, though I was born years after it was over. I attributed these memories to something other than reincarnation. However, the notes that describe those exact memories have not been published as far as I’m aware, so I cannot say if anything in them relates to John or not.

I have confirmed three memories with someone who knew this person very well; however, our correspondence died out and I decided not to bother her with any more questions. But for the most part, she was polite and helpful though I must state that she does not believe in reincarnation. It is partly for her sake that I do not reveal specific names.

The memories are a bit underwhelming because a good mentalist could have guessed all of them.

The first memory was of a car that belonged to a close female friend, some time between 1968 and 1972. I guess I could have just had a lucky guess because I did not know the make and model until she told me; I may have simply gotten lucky with this one.

The second memory was of my opinion of a specific building where I lived at the time. She said that this was indeed correct, that I did have strong feelings about how this building looked. However, the nature of those feelings could probably have been deduced from my biographical details.

The third memory was of a favorite record of Arturo Toscanini’s 1940 rendition of Beethoven’s Missa Solemnis, though there are two problems with this. First, I did not know at the time, but it was hinted at (but not explicitly mentioned) in one of the books I wrote in that life. Second, I might have easily deduced that I liked this particular recording simply by the fact that it’s one of the most famous recordings of that piece in existence.

I have some additional memories that have not yet been confirmed; this is what I was trying to contact past life family members to ask about. I cannot disclose all of the details, but I will tell as much as I can.

One memory is of a cozy loft in some building. There was a hi-fi, a couch, and a window behind the couch. I believe this is probably the earliest memory I have of that life, some time between 1948 and 1952, and it may have been where I heard some of my favorite music including that Toscanini record.

One memory is from around Easter 1963. It’s a photo that I have yet to find in any of the publicly-available images of me in that life. I’m wearing a suit with a gray dinner jacket with black lapels, and my first daughter is there, wearing a blue satin easter dress. Unfortunately I have no way of knowing if this photo exists without asking the people who were there.

Another memory is from around 1964, around the time I was dating the woman who became my fourth wife. We were at a lighthouse which I have identified, by comparing online photos of lighthouses to my memory, as the lighthouse at Pigeon Point, CA, a fair distance south of where I actually lived. For some reason, the song “I’ve Got My Mind Set On You” by James Ray comes to mind when I think about that day.

I remember a large, short-furred dog (possibly a labrador) that either lived at or visited the house where I lived until 1972. This was not my dog but someone else’s. had previously asked the person I confirmed my earlier memories with, but she was unsure of this memory.

I also seem to remember replacing the tape deck in the last car I owned. I believe it had a Blaupunkt unit originally which was good, but I splurged and treated myself to a high-end Pioneer unit that was even better. My favorite tape to play in that car was a tape of Beatles songs that included “The Ballad of John and Yoko,” but I’m not sure which compilation that was.

I remembered an album of medieval music. This was some time in the early 70s, most likely. The album was borrowed for a medieval-themed dinner at a social club, church, or school. I dug around online and discovered that Everest Records had produced an album of Troubadour music in the mid to late 60s, but I don’t know for sure if I had that record.

I recalled sitting with my young son on my knee, watching an animated film some time in the late 70s. I think it was the Rankin-Bass version of “The Hobbit” which was released in 1978, but I am unsure. This was the last memory I asked the person I spoke to about my initial memories, but she didn’t think this had happened.

In addition to looking to confirm these memories, I am also looking to answer some questions about my life and work that I cannot seem to find any publicly-available information about.

First, I spoke to someone who had once had access to my private notes from that life and they said they thought they might have seen the name “William Longsword” among the unpublished notes, though their memory was unclear. I want to know because if I made a reference back then to either my WWI life or my medieval life, that gives me a strong case for having been all of these people.

Second, I know I traveled to France in the late 70s in that life. I was closer to Verdun than Houplines, but if I did take a detour in the direction of French Flanders, I would probably have made note of that too. I am anxious to know if I visited any WWI sites at all, but I am especially anxious to know if one of those sites was Ferme Buterne Military Cemetery. This would answer a question that has been bothering me since 2012: why my vision or memory of Ferme Buterne was as it would have looked more than 20 years ago, with smaller trees and more shade.

It kills me that there are people who knew me in that life that I can’t get hold of, and that I have had tantalizing hints (like the possible Longespee reference) without any breakthroughs. I’m hoping that someone will work out who I believe I might have been in my previous life without being told, and maybe they’ll help me find some answers.

I guess if I’m wrong, that may mean I’m off the hook with the other two lives, and I can breathe a sigh of relief that this was all just a weird daydream where I freaked myself out over nothing. If I’m right, I guess I’ll deal with it. It’s the uncertainty that’s killing me.

Please help if you can. Thank you so much if you’ve read through this.


2 thoughts on “Since I Can’t Say Who I Was…

  1. Pingback: I’m Ready to Know… | Severe Deja Vu

  2. Pingback: Hottest Lead In Years | Severe Deja Vu

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