Dreams

Well, my dreams reveal a definite pattern, but I don’t see much in the way of past life-related symbolism here.

My dream last night started with a conversation with a friend of mine who had offered to build me a motorized bicycle… with a frame that cost $1700 and a charge of $50,000 for labor.  I guess this has to do with my constantly feeling like my friends are out of touch with my financial situation (statements starting with “why don’t you buy…” and ending with an item costing hundreds or even thousands of dollars, as if I could afford such things, are alarmingly common).

Then that dream shifted to what I thought was a video of a motorized bicycle built with this frame going absurdly fast (as in, lapping Ferraris) and me thinking I should try to convince family to help me afford the cost of parts to build it myself.  Only, it turned out the video was actually a movie, a fact made readily apparent when they had a very distasteful “Indian Raid” scene straight out of a 1950s western.  I can’t begin to interpret this except it fits the pattern of disappointment.

That shifted to me being in Texas with my mother somehow.  She was actually calling me by my chosen name and not my birth name for once (which was nice).  We went to an antique store in this little town in Texas… I was a bit nervous, being pre-operative male-to-female in a town like that.  Also, I wasn’t shaved, so I had to basically present male, which I absolutely hated doing.  In the store, we came across this gorgeous old organ, something much larger than a parlor organ, about the size of a small car but a single unit nonetheless.  It had signs all over it saying “Do not play” and I didn’t play it.  However, there was some weird quality with the harmonics in the inner workings of the organ, and just from my voice speaking near it, the organ began to resonate loudly and dissonantly.  People began staring at me, and I realized I was naked and that my mother had allowed me to go outside that way, as if I were 2 years old!  I covered my breasts, hoping nobody noticed them and went outside to wait for Mom to drive me back to some place I could get some clothes on.

In the parking lot outside the antique store, this calf came to me, and was very friendly, like a little dog.  It nuzzled my hand and wagged its tail.  Somehow I was clothed again at this point, and the calf’s fur was soft so it was a very relaxing moment.  Then suddenly, I saw a swarm of blowflies, along with a horsefly that was about the size of a small bird (I have a weird phobia of large biting flies so this was not pleasant at all).  I shooed the calf away, hoping the flies would go with it, but the flies set upon me instead.

I told my fiance about this dream… he said the bit about the calf sounded almost Biblical in a way (it does, kind of).  But as to what this dream says, other than confirming that I live in a constant and unrelenting state of disappointment and frustration (which I already knew), is beyond me.  Everything in the dream seems mired in my current life, except that calf… I haven’t been around cattle a great deal in this life.  But it’s such an ambiguous symbol that I can’t really extrapolate a clear past-life meaning from it either.

This post will have some very interesting tags…

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