Strange Thoughts

I thought I’d just collect some of the strange half-baked thoughts I’ve been kicking around concerning this string of past lives as a whole, especially to how they could relate to some of the weirder aspects of Phil’s life.

*I’ve established that it is definitely possible that Phil might have seen John’s life based on statements in his letters and in the Exegesis (though I’ve yet to find clinching proof).  However, the only other phase of himself Phil was able to identify with lived back in 45 AD, and lived a life parallel to his.  John Harris lived a life parallel to William Longespee’s and may or may not have identified Longespee as some other phase of himself.  Longespee was completely hidden to Phil (unless I somehow find the mention of “William Longsword” Johnathan Lethem seemed to recall).  I’ve been trying to put together some model of the topology of the best-documented of these lives to see if I can make some sense out of who can see who and gain some sense of our relative temporal positions (which I suspect are non-linear).  However, I can’t really think of a good model to reflect that at this time.

*Phil once said, during an interview in Metz, France, “The police once told me that I was a crusader, and they had no use for crusaders.  Unfortunately they didn’t tell me what I was crusading for.”  Wouldn’t it be just perfectly Phildickian if “Crusader” here was injected into the conversation as a weird metaphysical pun considering an earlier existence as William Longespee, himself a crusader?

*There’s a thread of Freemasonry here that puzzles me.  There is a masonic lodge named after William Longespee or his son. Phil was involved for a time with the Rosicrucians, an offshoot of Freemasonry (he wore a Rosy Cross pendant at Metz if you look closely at the video).  In this life I have a number of family members involved in Freemasonry, and masonic symbols figure into some coincidences in my life.  So far, John’s life is the only one I can’t find a thread of Freemasonry in yet.  I am unsure if the rolls of Masonic lodges from 1914 would be accessible for public research.

At any rate, this thread of Freemasonry bugs the hell out of me because it’s too prominent to ignore, but it seems quite odd considering I’ve never had direct dealings with the Freemasons myself.  Also, the lack of apparent freemasonry in John’s life is a bizarre departure from the pattern.  I can hear the conspiracy theorists salivating even now…

*I find that while I can keep my promise not to use my claims to promote my work, past lives and Phil’s work have both become such a strong influence for my muse that I think it’s inevitable that I’ll be found out.  Now my concern is that I might have already said too much or told the wrong person, or gone out on one limb too many with my books while trying to push past my comfort zone.  Honestly, while the prospect of being someone who writes like Philip K. Dick excites me, the prospect of being “that insane fangirl who thinks she’s Philip K. Dick” makes me cringe.  Something tells me the deal was sealed when I started talking about it openly, though.  Maybe the deal was sealed the day I found John’s grave.

It’s a raw deal to have something happen that I have to keep discreet about, even though that event is probably the most significant thing that ever happened to me.  I feel I have to walk the line between the caution to omit certain details and the audacity to tell details too fantastic to seem true as plot devices in my stories.

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