*Dealing with a major burnout, trying to monotask my way through my assignments hoping I can keep from losing my temper at someone.
*Not sleeping terribly well. I’m getting 4-6 hours of sleep which is fine, but the quality of the sleep isn’t great. I think the constant pounding of loud noises while I’m out and about during the day keeps me on edge long into the night. I’m waking up with dark circles and bloodshot eyes and wearing sunglasses in cold, overcast weather to try to hide how weary I look. But that just makes me more susceptible to noise and makes my sleep patterns worse…
*I had a thought today that for the last 3 years, I have greatly underestimated what Autumn and Winter in Oregon do to my moods. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to sunset at 4PM and weather that goes below freezing temperature without actually freezing anything. Luckily that’s still a few weeks away.
*I find that on the increasingly rare occasions I get suicidal thoughts, it helps to just talk about how I might do it in a calm and detached way. Usually, going through the checklist of everything I’d need to do with a bit of dry gallows humor either causes me to get bored with the idea because I can’t be bothered to go through all the trouble, or allows me to consider the absurdity of the act and move on to other things.
*I need cold weather clothes that actually fit. A nice ladies’ coat, sweater dresses, sweaters, etc. But that costs money, something I don’t have a great deal of right now. I’ll be lucky to finish the year with enough to buy a Pepsi. Hopefully the coat I bought last year will fit… or my latest efforts to raise money will eventually come to something.
*Completely unable to write anything creative at the moment. A mediocre 30-page novelette I recently finished represented the last of my flagging energy. Getting some ideas (think medieval conspiracy theory type material) but nothing is actually coming together. I anticipate another few months of doldrums while I wait to see how my latest books are received.
*Yes, I heard about measure 91 passing. Bit of an anticlimax. Can’t do anything until next July so it’s not exactly party time over here.
*On a happier note, the cover art for my next book (being drawn by my fiance) is about 99% complete now. Mostly, we just have to compose everything into the final front-back-spine cover file and send it off.