A Lasting Effect

I find that my response to body horror is still intensely strong almost 2 years after my last graphic memories of the war broke.

I can say for an absolute certainty that I was jaded about body horror before.  I think if anything, I found it uninteresting because it moved me so little.  Now I find myself avoidant of it because my response is too strong.

I wish I could get those images out of my head.  You can look at photographs from WWI and it doesn’t do it justice; you can’t, for instance, see the sickly purple color of a bloated corpse or smell the odor of death.  It can’t give you the feeling of accidentally touching cold, dead skin and it can’t give you the immense emotional shock of seeing men you’ve trained with become red stains on the earth.

I feel nauseated now just thinking of it.  This wouldn’t have even come up if I hadn’t come across some body horror-themed artwork today which, though stylized and unrealistic, still drew me into an unwelcome place mentally.

I think this has a lot to do with why I became a vegetarian.

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