Some of you may have noticed that I abruptly stopped posting the century updates on my previous life’s battalion. There are two reasons for this.
First, I’m in my final term at Portland State, as many of you know. I’m putting a lot of effort and energy into this endeavor, spending a lot of my down time just getting myself in the right state of mind to deal with what will surely be a hectic term leading up to graduation.
The second is more personal… Although I’ve reflected somewhat on John’s life, I’ve been sort of afraid to look into the war in any detail. I’ve become avoidant, which is something that others in my position often fall back on. I don’t want to think about it being real. Yeah, I’m having flickers and flashes here and there, and I get extremely antsy walking past the swimming pool at the PSU student center when the whiff of Chlorine brings back unwelcome thoughts, but I haven’t been watching films or documentaries about the war, or even listening to music from the war itself. Just this evening I listened to “There’s A Long Long Trail A’ Winding” just to see if I could and I felt profoundly uncomfortable throughout the whole song.
I’ve got a lot on my plate. Best to let sleeping dogs lie. Though I suspect, sooner or later, the ghosts of the past will come back.