My preoccupation of late has been some problems I’ve had after my recent hospitalization. I’m going to talk to a doctor on Thursday, I just hope I can keep from dying before then.
If belief in reincarnation is merely a coping mechanism for dealing with the uncertainty of death, then it’s a shitty one. I like to have an end in sight when I start something, and reincarnation does not offer that; it’s so unsuited to how I would choose to believe if not faced with some reason to believe otherwise. I know I’ve said it a thousand times but lately it’s been heavy on my mind.
I can only hope that my belief in transcendence through trust in my true nature as part of the divine something-or-other isn’t merely a coping mechanism against the horror of being forced to live and die over and over again.
More immediately, I can only hope that the heart palpitations, emotional lability, sleep disturbances, and nausea are just my anxiety and not the fatal illness that cuts my present stint as a writer with so much left to tell tragically short.