Admittedly, I’ve agonized for a very long time about possibly going back to the UK.
And can you blame me? The last few times I’ve left and been unable to go back it wasn’t exactly on my terms. The thought of getting my MA at a prestigious university like Cambridge or Oxford (which I’ve visited) really made me excited. I’ve also had a lot of trepidation about the next 10 years in my country and whether or not it will descend into total chaos.
But it seems that getting involved with this church, with an eye toward possibly getting ordained, might have answered the question for me. It may sound dishonest for me to say that “God answered my question” because getting involved was my choice. As a Gnostic, however, I believe that the instinct that guides us toward constructive decisions in our lives is basically our higher selves (i.e. the Indwelling Light of the Divine) taking the controls. So in a way, if my heart takes me to explore priesthood in a Gnostic church then I suppose I did have help from a higher source. And if that decision ends up bearing real fruit in my life, then who am I to question?
I still want to go back to England, at least to visit. But right now I feel that a higher calling is keeping me in Portland for the time being and I no longer have any plans to relocate to the UK in the next 2 years.
For what it’s worth, Portland is a really awesome place to live right now. This place seems to be a magnet for old souls! I’ve often been surprised to discover just how many people here remember past lives and will talk about it openly if you get them on the subject. You look at the people on the street and about half the people are gorgeous anachronisms of fashions from across the 20th century. As a result, it’s become a metamodern, cosmopolitan cultural capital. It’s like Paris during the Belle Epoque in a lot of ways.
We’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll decide this isn’t for me. Maybe my romantic attachments to a past life home will draw me back against my better judgment. I think I’m better off giving it a try though.