Meanwhile In The Present…

Lately, a major development has been going on in my life which I would like to share here.

As I’ve briefly mentioned, I am transgender in this life- a strange stroke of fortune if there ever was one- and I am actively transitioning male to female.

So far it has gone about as well as one could reasonably expect, barring some disappointments with laser hair removal.  I’ve been on hormones now for more than 2 1/2 years, and I’ve had my name and ID legally changed to reflect my new status.

Now, I’m eyeing the final finishing touches: re-attempting hair removal and taking that final, certain step to ensure that I will live the rest of this present life irreversibly as a woman.  I am referring, of course, to full genital surgery.  I’ve been thinking about it now for the better part of three years and I have not, in all this time, soured on the idea.

I have obtained the two required letters- one from an attending physician and one from a board-certified psychologist with whom I have a working relationship.  She is aware of my past life claims and we have talked at length about my memories and how they have shaped my view of the world.

Today I made arrangements for a local clinic to refer me via the Oregon Health Plan to a doctor for consultation.  Whether or not I choose to go through with this operation will depend largely on the skill and experience of whatever doctors are made available to me through the state health plan.  I am aware of the risks and I will not take any cavalier chances on a doctor whom I suspect may turn out to be a butcher; better to live my life hiding male parts and still able to enjoy that life to some lesser degree than to be taken in by a bad surgeon and live the nightmare of severe complications.

Only the prospect of complications scares me; if I could go into the operating theater with a 100% guarantee of a favorable outcome I would not hesitate and I would not be the least bit deterred by the permanence of the change.  My body has already undergone permanent changes on HRT; I am past the point where things like sterility and breast growth would be likely to reverse themselves if I were to stop HRT.  The process of chemical feminization has done nothing in its due course but heighten my enjoyment of life that much more; I don’t anticipate that a successful operation will be anything but an improvement to that end.

This blog may be largely about the highs and lows in my past lives but in my present life, I have been overall very fortunate.  Transitioning male to female has taught me so much about life, love, gender, sex, philosophy, religion, and even about myself and I hope that the lessons I have learned will stay with me until such time as I can transcend the cycle of reincarnation altogether and become reunited with pleroma.

Until then, I will move forward with what the wheel has spun: to be born a man and die a woman.  I will accept this as my destiny gladly and with joy in my heart.

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