Grad School

Things are moving ahead, and the professor who was taking a while on his letter of recommendation may be starting that process finally.  At least, after I acted as a go between with him and the history department, things started moving forward!

If I have his letter, then that’s the last of it.  The finishing touch on a really excellent application.  I’ve got the GPA, the test scores, and the writing samples to show that I’m a capable historian and able to use a vast array of resources for a variety of different research tasks.

My qualifications are absolutely sterling… why do I still find myself crippled by worry that it won’t be enough?

It seems I’ve had that happen a few times in my life: people glibly said “try your best” and my best was not hard enough.  But lately, I’ve had some modest successes as both a writer and an academic; these are not resounding successes but I feel like I’m chipping away a niche for myself, slowly but surely.

Still, old failures haunt me.  Mainly, it’s my present life that’s been heavy on my mind.  I had a lot of missed opportunities and I took a lot of things for granted.  But my biggest regret is not applying myself as a historian before, because I figured there’d be “no money in that.”  I should have just forged ahead!  I should have known how important it would become in my life!  Hindsight nags at me like a rabid hound.

I just want to know that my present life is going somewhere.  Ne frustra vixisse videar.



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