Just a few items of what’s been happening in my weird little world so that nobody thinks I’ve abandoned this blog.
Between the shrooms and finding out that the letter of recommendation I’ve fretted so much over had been submitted, I experienced a remission of what had been severe depression. This first manifested as a remarkable increase in enjoyment from things like food and music, both of which had become insipid and even unpleasant to me during the worst of my depression. Psilocybin never ceases to amaze me as an antidepressant that can dislodge even deep, stubborn depression if the necessary harm reduction measures are taken. However, I do not recommend it for self-medication since under the wrong circumstances it can also greatly worsen your depression and anxiety (for some people, simply having an illegal substance is enough to make their anxiety run wild). My depression was severe enough that I was close to hospitalization, which would have maxed out my insurance rapidly and made it impossible for me to stay in Oregon; I took this step at great risk to myself and so far, the experiment has worked but you may not be so lucky so don’t do it. You have been warned!
With my grad school application “in the lap of the gods” as it were, I used this remission in my depression to return to what I do best, namely writing. I’ve been pouring a great deal of energy into adapting my first published novel from my present life (the dieselpunk one) into a screenplay. I’m making a few notable changes, though the gay love triangle and 95% of the plot is still there (I’ve just trimmed a few subplots and filler scenes and I’m changing the characters’ names). I’m happy to say it continues to adapt beautifully as a serious noir story and I’m hoping the gay romance element won’t be too much of a strike against selling the story because I think Hollywood needs a more honest exploration of gay romance and polyamory. Anyway, when was the last time you saw a gay noir story, let alone one that deals with how gay men eek out an underground existence in a 21st century-inspired dystopian plutocracy that wears the trappings of 1930s Europe?
Staying busy keeps me from going back to old patterns of worry. I find that I can’t work when anxious/depressed but when I can beat back the anxiety/depression, then I can keep that going for some time because my true nature is irrepressibly creative. Updates here might be slow while I try to ride the wave the best I can. Stay honest and stay awesome, I’ll be back!