The week has been busy and demanding. This stretch is particularly important for initiates into the church and at this rate I will be made a lay server by summer, almost for certain.
I still worry that I may not have what it takes. I see a lot of the same ego, anger, and fear that I’ve had for so many lifetimes. These shortcomings have been laid bare before me with the revelation of past lives but they’re still with me here and now, in the present.
The thing about ego is, it isn’t always plainly narcissistic. True narcissists tend to have an antisocial streak. For the rest of us, ego can manifest as thinly-veiled fragility and dainty vanity, wanting nice things to appear “respectable” before the world and going to pieces when called out for being less than what we know we ought to be.
It’s funny, the dominant traits of the protagonist in my last novel were described by one reader as “vanity and fragility” that were “all too real.” That’s me.
I’m human. All too human.