The return of my angst over the war sort of came on top of a whole bunch of things and triggered a bout of major depression that I’m still fighting with.
I didn’t get the job at the Ferrari dealership, by the way. I’ve known for a while but it slipped my mind that I hadn’t said so here (I most certainly did say so on all my “normal” social media outlets).
Also, I may be going to the Philip K. Dick Fest in Fort Morgan, CO next March. I’m not sure since my job is difficult to get time off from.
In truth, I never completely shook the idea I was him. I don’t think I ever will. Not as long as I’m still so very much like him, though I stopped trying to be a long time ago. I feel such a continuity between his existence and mine that I don’t think it’ll ever go away completely.
I just want to see his grave and move a little closer to finding some closure, though I don’t know if I can ever have closure when I feel as if that life never really ended in a strange way.
If I do attend the festival, expect me to keep a low profile and talk mainly to people I already know. I’ve no intention of introducing myself to any more of his friends or relatives or of trying to impress anyone with extraordinary claims.