Losing My Best Friend

Today it was confirmed: my cat is probably terminal.  His time can be measured in days or weeks at this point.  Between severe, chronic dehydration, extreme weakness, and a pronounced heart murmur, his current life will soon come to an end.

For the short term, he seems to be better than he was 24 hours ago.  He’s a little less weak, he’s eating again (albeit still not eating as much as he should), and he’s responding well to the subcutaneous fluids he’s been given.  I can at least have the satisfaction of knowing I’ve done as much as I could for him and that he’s not suffering tremendously; he’s just very, very tired and slowly fading away.

I’m feeling absolutely gutted. Keep in mind that to me, he isn’t just a pet. I’m slowly losing the only childhood friend I’m still in touch with. I’ve had him since I was 13, and he’s one of only two cats I’ve had since age 4. Soon, one more shred of my innocence will be gone forever.

He was with me when I was sick, anxious, and depressed in my teen years and into adulthood. When I was a pagan, he was my familiar.  When I experimented with psychedelics, he was there too, and I saw a certain regal wisdom about him as he puzzled at this crazy human rolling on the bed giggling like an idiot. When I wrote the best novel of my current life, he was right there within reach the whole time. I’ve even dedicated my next book to him.

It’s going to be a cold winter without him snuggled up against me purring at night.

I may go very silent for a long time.

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