Going back and forth lately on whether these memories are of my own past lives or if they are something else entirely.
In some ways I see a lot of myself in those people, but what does that mean really? Could it be that I simply have the same traits as these people and that all I share is being of a specific type of person?
In particular, could it be that I’m a host to the spirit that Phil called VALIS, and the flashes of his life are simply flashes of its prior host?
Phil certainly believed that his flashes of WWI came from that source, and not a past life. And my flashes of WWI seem like the most telltale signpost of a connection to Phil.
I had explored this idea before, but it really gained some traction after a remark a very close friend made. They said something about a character in Star Trek DS 9 who was host to a symbiote who retained the memories of its previous hosts, and so was able to remember the experiences and knowledge of these past hosts as if they were past lives. They said that this character reminded them a great deal of me.
And really, that’s what Phil believed. He believed that there was a sort of spiritual symbiote that had fused itself with his being. It changed his thoughts, his attitudes, his actions, and the outcome of his life for the better.
He elaborated on this idea, that it could replicate both through the transmission of Word (Logos) and through direct intervention; that it gathered up the souls of the transcended and delivered so that part of them remained to gather up other souls and part of them ascended to Pleroma (Exegesis, Folder 22-039).
Given the intense parallels between our present times and previous times Phil linked this spirit to, I am beginning to suspect that perhaps I am simply the latest host. In a sense part of Phil’s spirit may have entered me, but that doesn’t mean I was him in a past life.
This would explain another thing: I have spoken to multiple people who claimed to be contactees. Some experiences were very basic; others were rather astounding and sublime. At least one other person has come forward who thought for a time that they were Phil’s reincarnation too. Perhaps in some way, they are; he believed the homoplasmate was a self-replicating organism.
I think maybe what we understand as reincarnation is oversimplified, at any rate. I believe I’ve stumbled on something bigger than that. I believe I may have been among a number of people chosen to witness the coming marvels, both fearful and wondrous.
I’ve mused often lately that perhaps my generation, or the generation to follow, will bring forth the Parousia (the return of the Christ-nature to material being). But what I see potentially happening is not a single Christ, but many Christs who will emerge from a great generation. Something cosmic is happening and although I only see it dimly now, it seems to become clearer by the day.
Or perhaps all of these things I’ve said will show, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my descent into madness. I hardly know if I’m making sense any more. I hardly care. I want to be honest about my craziest ideas because at this point, radical honesty is the most certain freedom I can grant myself.