Found It!

After a great deal of searching I finally found the fast march of the 2nd Battalion KSLI, “Daughter of the Regiment,” here presented in a medley with “Farmer’s Boy.”

It was uploaded in 2014 which begs the question of how I missed it.

Happy Christmas

I’m going to be taking the rest of the Christmas season and into New Year’s to try to recover from everything that’s happened as well as I can.

I won’t lie and say that past life stuff isn’t bothering me because I realized in the last couple of days that it is and I’m honestly terrified because the present day has echoes of so many bad things across so many past lives.

At least I know one thing: enemies are not doomed to remain enemies across incarnations.  I’ve been very blessed to meet a number of people who recall past lives as Germans on the Western Front and it does me good to know I can count them as friends now.  And perhaps, of the people who wish me ill on some factional grounds in this life, I’ll find friends in some future lifetime.

Til then, cheers, Fritz.

 

 

Married Tomorrow

Tomorrow I’ll be getting married for the first and hopefully last time in this life.

But for the first time in many lifetimes, I’ll be going in as a wife rather than a husband, and this time it seems different. Better.  More sure.

My fiance and I have lived together for 8 years, something you couldn’t do as an unmarried couple in previous years because it would have caused a scandal.  To me it makes the most sense of any relationship model; before you sign up for a long-term contract, get to know each other as well as you can and ask yourself honestly if this is a person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

What I discovered is that after the first five years or so- the point at which the majority of relationships have ended- there’s no triumphant epiphany, no choirs of angels, no great explosion of joy.  There’s only the simple realization that your life is better than it was before you met your partner.

That’s love.

In the time we’ve been together we’ve experienced poverty, illness, the Great Recession, my gender transition, political upheavals, and my past life angst.  He’s put up with so much and he’s never failed to be a compassionate, thoughtful, and loving person in spite of everything.

Here’s to my husband, my love, and the lifetime I will promise him tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

Big News

First, a thought on past lives: what I did in prior lifetimes does matter, but castigating myself for it is unhelpful.  I need to back off the need to justify my existence by joining some noble struggle.  I need to really accept that existing passively is a valid option; in fact that’s kind of what Buddha taught.  Karma is as much the ripples from the stones you cast as it is your tendency to cast stones in the first place; if the ripples bother you, better to cast no stones.  It isn’t easy once you’ve developed that habit, but it is perfectly within your free will as a thinking, feeling being to change your habits.

In other words, I guess I’m back, and I guess I’ve overcome my hangups regarding thinking of past lives.

Also, I’m getting married!!!

I wanted to wait until I could afford a proper wedding, but owing to concerns about the legal status of a marriage between a cis man and a transgender woman in the coming administration, my fiance and I have decided to have a small, low-key ceremony to make it official and then have a proper ceremony for our family and friends when time and money permit.

We’ve been together for 11 years and we’ve been living under the same roof for 8 years.  I think at this point we’re not budging as a couple.

My first and hopefully only marriage in my present life is scheduled for December 18. It will be exclusive to ourselves, our bishop, and three friends (two witnesses+one backup in case one of the witnesses doesn’t show).

I still can’t believe I’ve found a man that puts up with someone as neurotic as me.  Relationship-wise, I don’t know if I’ve ever had it this good.  I had six divorces in my last life, a sweetheart who ended up marrying my brother after I got myself killed in France in the life before that, and no memories of any lasting relationship before that.  In fact more often than not, I’ve been a pretty hapless lover.

I had one life when I know for a fact I was in a stable, lifelong relationship but it was more than 800 years ago and I sadly remember nothing of my life with Ela of Salisbury (though I wish I did).  But even that was something more of a business arrangement; I married her mainly because she came with the Earldom of Salisbury as a dowry and any affection we had was something we cultivated as a means of meeting the commitments that married life implied.

I’m in completely different territory here.  My life in the 21st century seems to be a combo breaker in many different ways.  It’s proof that for all the similarities in character and personality I have to my prior lives, I’m still my own person.  And that’s good.  It means I don’t have to be a slave to the past.