Wow, two entries in one day! That’s become a rare event, hasn’t it?
I just had a thought a moment ago, while listening to Vaughan-Williams’ Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis (it’s still playing as I write this) and looking at photos of Salisbury Cathedral, which if I am correct I laid a foundation stone for and heavily financed in an earlier life.
It occurred to me what the message was in Salisbury Cathedral, and the fact that it has stood in superb condition while the castle I once held nearby has fallen into ruin. The message was that what I do in the service of myself and of worldly aims will never be as lasting or as beautiful as what I do in the service of the Divine manifestation.
I suppose that’s been the message all along, the big picture I’ve missed. And now, as my long-standing depression begins to subside (thanks to some positive changes in my life lately), I feel like I’m on the right path with my studies to enter the clergy, in a church that allows me the freedom to live and learn on a path that works for me while giving me just enough structure to hold my thoughts in order and have a clear frame of reference.
I needed to reaffirm that in myself and it feels good to keep coming home to that, no matter how many times it happens. My depression always tries to sabotage me but something greater than my weaknesses is growing inside me. The powers of entropy and despair try to stomp out that spark but it’s growing, it’s fanning into a light and even if it flickers in the wind, it will not be put out.
Count William is said to have seen a vision of Mary shielding a taper from the wind. That flame was strong in me even in his life. It remains, it grows, and I will keep it until the end of days or until I am called home from this cycle of rebirth.