A Change

My relationship with the experience I had in September 2012 seems to be changing.

I don’t get the same feeling when I listen to music that used to remind me strongly of those memories.

I still remember everything but I feel I’ve either started to live past it, or I’m blocked from really engaging. The scars are there but they don’t feel as fresh any more.

I think writing about what happened to me in the form of a fiction story, being able to put that distance between myself and the memories by having a character go through something similar, seems to have helped.

It’s still difficult talking about the most horrific details I confirmed. I still tend to avoid certain things like songs or movies or whatever. It’s possible I just learned to bury it because I had no way to really face it. I don’t know.

It’s there. Jack’s life is there and it’s not going away. I haven’t so much healed as I’m just sort of learning to live with it, like learning to live with a serious wound that never properly heals.

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