Music Break!

I actually kind of like The Most Mysterious Song On The Internet, sometimes known as “Like The Wind.” Google the story if you want that, it’s a cool mystery. But for those who haven’t heard it yet, here’s the song.

Memory?

I had what was either a memory flash, cryptomnesia, or a contrivance of my imagination last night. So I asked friends about it on social media.

I didn’t say it was a possible memory of a past life. I said “does anyone know what movie this is from?” because my leading theory was that I’d seen this in a movie once.

It was a ragged fellow followed down a Victorian street by equally ragged children calling “Story for a farthing! A farthing! Story for a farthing!” and when one of the children handed him a farthing he began his tale, probably something like an Arthurian legend or a fairy tale. But when he got to a cliffhanger in the story he’d say “Ah, I’ll tell you what happened next for a farthing!” and inevitably one of the children would pay him. By the end of it all he’d made something like sixpence off these children and it felt kind of shifty and dishonest.

Nobody had any answers. One person suggested Danny Kaye in “Hans Christian Andersen” but it wasn’t a good match. It wasn’t in a dingy Victorian city, the characters didn’t look ragged enough, and there wasn’t any mention of money.

Which begs the question: was this a form of street entertainment and how would I go about researching it?

Here Goes Nothing

Well, I took a look at my finances after almost 2 years of working the same steady job, and I may be able to buy a house. I’m looking into finance options now, it’s being held up temporarily by transition-related confusion with one of the credit bureaus, but I sent in proof of my name change so hopefully that will be moving forward soon.

If I can own a home, it will feel like a second chance. In my last life I had worked my way up to cute houses and fairly nice cars but I pissed it away with bad decisions.

I almost ruined my life again, by trying to fake it with too many problems. But I’ve gotten the help I need in this life, or am about to get it. I’m thriving on an SNRI, happy with my transition, and taking care of other problems one by one.

I think if I can buy a house, I want to take some inspiration for the living room decor from late 40s decor. It’s a nice look, with the warmth of polished wood, bright colors, and room for small flourishes. I like the large wall unit shelving and the single-color rugs on wood floors in particular. Traditional but simplified.

I want to celebrate getting another chance to have the kind of simple but cozy life I could have had back in the 40s or 50s, if I’d made better decisions and the help I’d needed back then had existed.

I may have retreated from the highest heights of personal gnosis but… so what? It was an amazing ride that taught me so much about myself and I’ve found comfortable, balanced new ways to keep my spirituality alive.

At any rate I’ve integrated my experience of anamnesis into my daily life now so I’m not done with this blog. I may not have any new memories for a long time but I might still confirm something now and then, and I still intend to go to Flanders one last time just to put the last of those ghosts to rest. But right now I’m busy building a coda to those lives rather than trying to revisit them per se; I’m trying to have the kind of life that Phil or Jack would have been happy to live had they had the chance. A life that I’ve been longing for ever since my life hit its worst lows in 2011-2012. I’ve lost a decade and survived. I deserve this.